i do find it sad

when i can't find the time to update my blog where I so enjoy writing and expressing my thoughts to the random blog world for over a month. It was after my last camping trip when I last posted.
it's one of those days where I am preparing myself for what's to come. Already. trying to not control, but just be.
so yeah, here's some fun photos from our trip. And meet Buck. I'll have to tell you about him some other time, but here he is world!!!
It was a fabulous trip as you can see from just the background view. How can you beat living in Montana?

camping

thicker skin still?

so yeah, if you read this then you probably know me. cause if you don't and you read it...you must be bored. But anywho...not the point.
My point was to say if you read this you know me. and if you know me you know that I am a pretty darn stinking sensitive person. And if you know me, you would also say that my skin sometimes needs to become a bit thicker as to not get hurt by every tom, dick and sally(I threw a girls name in to make it not so sexist).

Well here I stand at 31 in a conundrum(Sp?). You see...I am still just as sensitive as I ever was towards certain things. I still wear my heart on my sleeve and I still feel others pain. However...i have become pretty good at callousing up my skin in areas that were necessary. Due partly to the fact of my x and his family. They were the most sarcastic folk to each other. And also I have become more able to laugh at myself on a daily basis. This is, has been and always will be a struggle for me as I walk daily through this life. I feel I have a great sense of humor, even better than before, but I still find myself questioning why people can't just be nicer. and not only nicer, but loving towards one another. Show their real feelings instead of masking them with sarcasm. And then I remember something my dear friend Megan once said....
"Kristen, God gave you an extra amount of sensitivity for a reason."

Perhaps, the lessons I'm learning in life right now combined with this truth are revealing a new purpose.

More to come as it unfolds.
Until then, I will be working hard at school, posting pics as they come, and having a happy memorial day! I hope yours is great and restful!

so long farwell

avedienrsshane goodbye...to your shiza.

yeah, spelling never was my forte. Lately I've been listening to angry music from 2003 era to let go of some pent up frustrations. I write about it often but forget to bring it with me to the library. (where's that help boys?)

I have blue extensions in my hair and I must say I look like a freakin' rock star. Blue is my new favorite color. It used to be pink, but times they are a changing. My friend Jesse said it looks like a smurf peed on my head and went around all day whistling the smurf theme song. It was HILARIOUS!

I love my girls at school. It can be a bit, ok way overwhelming at times having 25-50 girls around at all times, BUT most days I love it. There is a bond, that womanly bond that takes place. I have two very special girls that I love with another edging her way into my heart daily. Lisa, Brandi and Kayla(the edger).


The one with me is Brandi. She and I are headed to Vegas together in June for a hair show. We won the UpDo contest together and will be partners for the one June 1st. We don't plan on losing that one either, but ya never know.
Lisa is my young 18 year old whom I have had the pleasure of talking to about so many deep subjects my head could spin. She makes me giggle and is my co-hort in making school a better place to be. Including easter eggs with candy and positive messages in them. Just wanted you to see a bit of my world blogger type people out there.

I will have to start taking more pictures soon.
Spring is here/summer approaches. I can't wait!

Gotta get to some laundry and a glass of vino with Jessica my roommate.
FIND PEACE.

Holy non blogging batman

There are few that read this especially since the newness of Facebook has errupted, but I wanted to hop on and update.

I sat here and re-read my blogs for the last um, three years and I am in awe.
one: the amount I used to write and miss.
two: the growth God has taken me through.
three: comments from friends along the way.

school rocks my world daily. I am so in the place I was made for. I love new clients and their hair. Whether I am waxing it off(my newest love and fasination), or cutting/coloring/perming/shampooing it, I am just really there. ya know...present and enjoying the time I get with them. It's a combination of me at it's best. And I really am looking forward to graduation and life and what is next.

Ty and I broke up again. And the closing this time is a goodbye. For the first time in a LONG time I am seeing clearly when it comes to men. I have tapped deeply into my desires and who I am and I want more than what I am seeing these days. I have been reading a lot and spending time in conversation with God about this whole love deal. and it's a good place to be with him. I really enjoy being Kristen.
not married at thirty one isn't exactly where I thought I would be, but it is where I am and I like it. I want to find a man to marry for sure but there's so much to be said for being single.

I miss my family daily. And it's funny because I came back from visiting Chicago during Christmas and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Montana is where I am to be right now. I was so going to move back home. BUT, the mountains speak to me. The scenery as I drive into town everyday is nothing short of breathtaking. EVERY DAY I get to live amongst nature and in creation and I love it. Tonight I am going jogging with a girl from school to ready my lazy winter butt for softball. I started a team for Co-rec from Marion, Kila and elsewhere. We are called "Those West of Town" and it would take you reading my entire Montana life blog to really know the fullness of that name. To summarize...those west of town are just different. I so look forward to posting more about my team soon.

I've been writing again THANK God. And going to church. I love my church and my pastor Levi. He's like a mixture of many of my past teachers and Rob Bell all combined. Haven't really met anyone there, but I go with my instructor from school and her family. It's a really good thing to be back in fellowship and back in great teaching from the word of God.
One of my favorite things he taught on this past weekend was praying from a place of victory instead of for victory. ponder that one...he said it's like if we understood God's omnipotance and character better we would pray for a common cold like we would cancer. Being reminded that neither is a big deal for God to do. Just really great stuff coming out of that church. And the worship made me glad to have a voice again.

what else? Not volunteering right now with the fire department. I miss it incredibly. I rented the movie "Fireproof" the other night and although Kirk Cameron is cheesy, I really loved the movie. So beautiful is the loving work of Jesus. It made me want to get back out there are fight fires. Shoot...5 more months and then I can again.

I am working at a casino west of town and it keeps me up late. I am hoping to either buy a blackberry or a computer soon. Would one be better than the other if honestly I can do what I need to on the smaller version? I really only need internet access and ability to upload stuff. Help would be nice...Justin or Ryan or JD or someone with computer savy.

I miss people that I once knew. I think about them often and wonder how they are. That's why facebook is amazing. So, I'm off to go jogging. Thanks for stopping by. Committed to posting more often.
kristen

a breath

today I took a breath to let go of the past
and that breath made me smile.
a moment to just think
stand and just be
with the past
and the present
and let go

it's like opening your hands after clenching for so long
it hurts but then,
it's gone
it's over
the pain.
the sorrow

new breaths.
everyone an opportunity
to let go
to grasp lightly
lighter
a controlling nature
living with a ease
an ounce of knowledge that
today is
all
we
have

and that tomorrow
will be
a gift
if
we get it.
and that
i
am
loved
and
i
love
and
life
is precious
and
SOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more.

http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/?fbid=k5Y68sWYTt_

this is majestic

i gave for 2 whole years and all I get is this stinkin' microwave.

reason #1 to not answer the recently done with x's phone call a couple of days before Christmas about a dearly departed microwave when you have had one or two....

THE RESULTS SUCK! NO matter what.