the buck story

11.17.2009
We (Buck, JT and I) started off yesterday morning pretty close to as usual as it gets. Wake up. Coffee. Trips to the bathroom. Start truck. Road Hunting in the Dodge commences.
Buck and JT dedcided upon taking the Pinkham Ridge route in the am, followed up with lunch in town and an east side hunt in the afternoon.

The AM hunt was typical of what I have experienced so far this year. One white tail running away from us.

Lunch in town was delicious. Cafe Jax is an awesome eatery in little downtown Eureka. Filling satiated and content, we took off for Therriault Pass. This pass is Buck's favorite place in all of Montana and we were all looking forward to seeing how far we could get up the pass considering the amount of the snow on the ground. Apparently there are amazing valleys that are breathtaking up that way. This summer, we shall hit it up hard core!

As we are driving, we spot tons of sign. Tracks left and right. Deer. Elk. but no visuals of real live flesh and blood animals. It was us and the snow. :(
The drive was gorgeous! Purple sedimentary rocks lined one side of the road with snow covered white pine trees surronding us. The snow kept getting deeper and Buck thought it's about time to turn around when boom, we got stuck. And stuck we were. JT(Buck's Papa) tried. Buck tried. We jumped on the tail gate. I jumped on the bumper(which by the way is a massive deer killing machine meant to save your truck. Sad to say it hasn't yet taken any lives down!). We chopped down small trees to put under the tires for traction. And then, finally we winched the truck out with the help of a now out of the ground pine tree. So, we thought, we're home free. Just back the truck up to a safe turn around spot, but bam....so sorry charlie...we're stuck again. I believe Buck is the most patient man I have met in a long time considering how many times we actually had to re-winch ourselves out of the snow. I'm telling you this people...get chains if you plan on traveling in the mountains Oct-May in Montana!
So, yeah...here's a beautiful picture of the patient one!!!LOL
Finally, after many attempts we got out and headed down the mountain. All frustrated and soaking wet, we started listening to Angry White Boy music to calm Buck's nerves.
About ten minutes, the music began to take it's affect and we began telling stories of "stuckage!" when JT says, "Deer right!" Buck and I were totally in the midst of a conversation and weren't even looking at the woods so we were a little shocked. As we backed up the truck, we saw two deer. A doe and a forken horn(translated: a Buck with small forks for horns!) So, I grab my Tikka baby girl and hop out of the truck and get into the woods. I am following these two deer through the woods and the shot of Crown Royal I had just taken(to help celebrate our escape from the deep snow) kicked in and had me on a nice buzz. Not to mention the amazing adrenaline pumping through my body. Buck and JT I think moved the truck up a ways as all I could concentrate on was the kill I was about to make.

Ok, now here's where it get a little CRAZY! I am stepping quitely through the woods, like Elmer Fudd, when I spot something I've never seen before. The Forker was porking the Doe! Yes, that's right kids, and please excuse my french, but nature has it's way of blowing my mind sometimes. My thoughts were this:
How can I kill this deer right now? If I shoot, I'll kill both of them. HOLY CRAP...is this real? Where's Buck to explain if I'm halucinating or not? What do I do?

Luckily, I didn't have to think very long, for the deer must have heard me and parted themselves and bound away into the woods. I thought CRAP I lost them, when all of a sudden there they are again. But, just as I'm moving into a better position for the kill, they move again. Dang animals, stay still. (every hunters dream)
Finally, I get a good site in my scope at both of them standing next to one another, but due to the late hour in the day, my vision was thwarted by the lack of light. I couldn't tell which deer was which. So, as I'm about to give up, I hear a rustle in the trees way above me.
It's another deer. And it's BIG!
I throw my gun to my shoulder and catch him in my scope. He is big, and he's a BUCK, I think?!?
He moves across the trees and I follow him along keeping him in my visuals. So, I start talking to myself:Is it a Buck really? If not, I'm screwed if I kill it. Breathe Kristen. You're fine. Just breathe and squeeze the trigger. Do you have a good shot? Put the crosshairs on the white. And squeeze the trigger. and BLAM!

I took the shot. And I closed my eyes. And I opened them to see my deer stumble sideways, and trot off into the woods. CRAP! Did I hit him? So, then comes the next self talk head time: Don't rush after him. Buck's coming, he heard you shoot. Stop and think about where you are so you have a point of reference. Breathe. just breathe. Did I hit him?
So, I started up the hill looking for any sign of a hit. Hair? Blood? I'm starting to bumb myself out when I see Buck walking towards me. He starts asking me the same kinds of questions I was asking myself and as I relayed my thoughts to him, I feel a little lighter. Thank God for help. The hardest part at this time is that it's getting darker. I see sign of struggle and fresh tracks so I begin to follow them. After about ten minutes, Buck and I are both thinking CRAP...no sign of blood when I hear a rustle in the bushes below us. I ask Buck, "is that your dad?" He says, there's something in those bushes and he aprroaches.
"BOO YAW! It's your Buck!"
"Are you sure it's a Buck?"
"Um, yeah and a Big boy"
As I stepped around the tree I saw in all his glory, my BUCK! A 200 lb. 4x4 Handsome as hell Whitetail Buck!!!

i wrote an angry song today

And so I thought I'd share it. I practiced my chords on the guitar tonight and then this song just came to me. It's a half yelling half sing songy type of tune. Enjoy blog world!
Cross roads
I feel as though I need to scream. Something else is inside of me-crying, dying, trying to get out.
Left to rest as death betrays my fears are sunk my heart dismayed- how can I face this pain all alone?
Behind me is someone else. Beside me a heart crys for help. Before me is life, a chance to unwind. I don't know which wayyyyyyyyyyyy
To go.
The mental note says trust in me-dark ramblings of philosophy captured by a pen and scribe and soul. Foresake the lies and alabis who once subscribed to vicious ties that drug you down until you couldn't see the vision of me.
Behind you is someone else. Beside you a heart crys for help. Before you is life a chance to unwind. You don't know which wayyyyyyy
To go.
Left unaware
Scared and unsure
Drowning in misery
Pain that remains
Hatred and sin
Kisses cannot sustain.

Behind me is someone else.
Beside me a hearts crys for help.
Before me is life, OUR chance to unwind. Please tell us which wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
TO
GO.

winning and losing

Undone by the gravity of your decision I wake under my sheet finding myself deprived and wet. From tears and sweat and lack of sleep. A flip was switched as your hollow echo lingered on my breath- rent free, you aren't paying for space amongst my thoughts. Yes I think not brave child. Go explore the depravity of your HELL and wade in the pools of manipulation and control. I pray it does not swallow you-I hope you are packing heat. I beg for your sake the fire's burning no coal tonight. Google led me astray-your picture I blew away-wished it a fond farewell and made my peace.

i do find it sad

when i can't find the time to update my blog where I so enjoy writing and expressing my thoughts to the random blog world for over a month. It was after my last camping trip when I last posted.
it's one of those days where I am preparing myself for what's to come. Already. trying to not control, but just be.
so yeah, here's some fun photos from our trip. And meet Buck. I'll have to tell you about him some other time, but here he is world!!!
It was a fabulous trip as you can see from just the background view. How can you beat living in Montana?

camping

thicker skin still?

so yeah, if you read this then you probably know me. cause if you don't and you read it...you must be bored. But anywho...not the point.
My point was to say if you read this you know me. and if you know me you know that I am a pretty darn stinking sensitive person. And if you know me, you would also say that my skin sometimes needs to become a bit thicker as to not get hurt by every tom, dick and sally(I threw a girls name in to make it not so sexist).

Well here I stand at 31 in a conundrum(Sp?). You see...I am still just as sensitive as I ever was towards certain things. I still wear my heart on my sleeve and I still feel others pain. However...i have become pretty good at callousing up my skin in areas that were necessary. Due partly to the fact of my x and his family. They were the most sarcastic folk to each other. And also I have become more able to laugh at myself on a daily basis. This is, has been and always will be a struggle for me as I walk daily through this life. I feel I have a great sense of humor, even better than before, but I still find myself questioning why people can't just be nicer. and not only nicer, but loving towards one another. Show their real feelings instead of masking them with sarcasm. And then I remember something my dear friend Megan once said....
"Kristen, God gave you an extra amount of sensitivity for a reason."

Perhaps, the lessons I'm learning in life right now combined with this truth are revealing a new purpose.

More to come as it unfolds.
Until then, I will be working hard at school, posting pics as they come, and having a happy memorial day! I hope yours is great and restful!

so long farwell

avedienrsshane goodbye...to your shiza.

yeah, spelling never was my forte. Lately I've been listening to angry music from 2003 era to let go of some pent up frustrations. I write about it often but forget to bring it with me to the library. (where's that help boys?)

I have blue extensions in my hair and I must say I look like a freakin' rock star. Blue is my new favorite color. It used to be pink, but times they are a changing. My friend Jesse said it looks like a smurf peed on my head and went around all day whistling the smurf theme song. It was HILARIOUS!

I love my girls at school. It can be a bit, ok way overwhelming at times having 25-50 girls around at all times, BUT most days I love it. There is a bond, that womanly bond that takes place. I have two very special girls that I love with another edging her way into my heart daily. Lisa, Brandi and Kayla(the edger).


The one with me is Brandi. She and I are headed to Vegas together in June for a hair show. We won the UpDo contest together and will be partners for the one June 1st. We don't plan on losing that one either, but ya never know.
Lisa is my young 18 year old whom I have had the pleasure of talking to about so many deep subjects my head could spin. She makes me giggle and is my co-hort in making school a better place to be. Including easter eggs with candy and positive messages in them. Just wanted you to see a bit of my world blogger type people out there.

I will have to start taking more pictures soon.
Spring is here/summer approaches. I can't wait!

Gotta get to some laundry and a glass of vino with Jessica my roommate.
FIND PEACE.